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First
Drafts of Successful Introductory Paragraphs
A.
After watching my last student leave the door, I tumble
towards the earth at 120mph, check my altitude and reach for my
deployment cord. A
brief second passes as I am lifted upright and my canopy
inflates overhead. As
I look at Pikes Peak from 4000ft in the air and feel the cool
breeze across my face, I think, “What a great skydive that
was” and am at total peace.
Although I have passed the stress evaluations of check
rides, taught basic skydiving to more than 50 students, and have
more than 200 skydives to my credit, nothing can prepare me for
the intensity of experiences I will encounter in the medical
profession as a doctor.
B.
My first memorable experience in health care did not take
place in a hospital or clinic. Instead, a chain of cold Wisconsin dairy farms served as the
unique venue for my introduction to medicine. As a young child,
I loved riding along with my father as he skillfully cared for
what seemed like the entire population of the world’s
Holsteins. Perhaps
the most memorable experience involved watching a cow give
birth. Too young to
truly understand the event, I still remember the depth of my
intense fascination. As
I contemplate my expanding interest in medicine, it seems as
though a sequence of critical experiences have brought me to
this point. I had
not consciously planned on becoming a physician my entire life. However, I now pursue the medical profession with an
excitement I have never before known.
By recounting a few more significant experiences, I hope
to explain my sincere desire to join such a noble profession and
make evident my capacity to attain this goal.
C.
Blood from the HIV-positive man sprayed all over the
surgeons, and came very close to spraying me. I stepped back
from the operating table in alarm – the short-sleeved scrubs I
wore exposed a great deal of my skin. Gazing at Dr. Johnson, who
invited me in to observe the procedure, I was amazed at how he
worked so intently to clamp off the femoral artery, despite
having his entire torso drenched with HIV-contaminated blood.
Why risk so much simply performing a routine procedure? The
patient had renal failure and was forced to undergo dialysis
twice daily – Dr. Johnson and the young resident were
inserting a graft, or shunt, connecting the femoral artery and
vein in order to provide a site other than a blood vessel for
dialysis. Why did he jeopardize his life to perform a relatively
basic procedure on a man who was doomed to die anyway? I
eventually realized the answer: the preservation of life.
D.
Upon my arrival in Turkey in June 99, I became unaware of
the environment I was getting myself into.
My purpose for being in Turkey involved me acting as a
counselor for abused and troubled children.
As I approached the campground, young Barbaros caught my
attention as he threw out his fist to punch me.
His angered temperament firmly expressed his current
family situation. How
could I ever help this troubled child? Shocked, yet filled with
compassion I desired to get to the root of the problem and
ameliorate the situation. After
spending countless hours, to include long nights, I finally
connected with him; he longed for interaction with a companion
who would bring him no harm.
His physical and emotional wounds were beginning to heal
solely because I showed him attention.
The process of serving this child and watching his entire
composure warm, filled me with inexplicable joy.
For the first time, I realized that no matter what the
effort, sacrifice, or patience, helping him was worth its weight
in gold. Barbaros represented one example of the 75 other
children I worked with.
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